Getting it up

Excerpt: Evan moved closer, until they were leaning against one another, Matt’s head on Evan’s shoulder. Evan’s voice was barely a whisper again his cheek. “I can’t explain my feelings for you. I’ve only loved, and wanted, one other person in my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Don’t know what I can give you… I have so many people depending on me Matt, I don’t know what I can risk… But…I wanted you to know this…wanted to tell you…I love you.”

That spasm of pleasure/pain burst inside Matt again, so intense this time he could barely see, breath, hear…in forty-two years he’d never felt this way, never heard those words said with so much emotion, so much truth. All he could do was wrap his arms around Evan’s body and pull him close. He was shaking with need. Trembling with unspoken emotion.

“I…I understand if you don’t feel the same way…” Evan’s voice was panicked, thick and it broke Matt’s heart.

He shook his head against Evan’s shoulder. “No,” he croaked out. “No…stop.” He pulled away just enough to move his face, put his mouth against Evan’s ear. He traced it with his tongue, sucked his skin. “Tell me why.”

“What?” Evan moaned, his hands clutching at Matt’s shoulders.

“Why do you love me?” Matt knew he sounded desperate and childish but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to hear why. Wanted to understand how he -- Matt Haight -- could ever be the person whom Evan would love.

“Why? Because…because you make me feel like the world isn’t so fucked up, and you make my kids smile… Because you’re the best friend I’ve ever fucking had…because I want you in a way I never imagined…”

“Shut up.” Matt’s face was hot, burning. “Shut up.”

Evan pulled away to look him in the eye.

“Shut up. I love you too,” he breathed, and then he was kissing Evan as hard as he could, wanting to show him what those words meant. Wanted to please him…

He moved toward the general direction of the couch, disengaging their mouths just to make sure. Evan wasn’t being passive this time -- he was tugging at Matt’s clothes, unbuttoning his shirt halfway then reaching for his belt.

Matt saw the couch was near, pushed Evan down on it. Felt himself harden even more, as Evan looked up at him, surprised, sprawled on his back…reached for Matt but Matt shook him off.

“No,” Matt muttered, hearing the pound of his heartbeat. “No…this is for you… Want you to know…how much…” He couldn’t go on, he didn’t have the words. He reached down to stroke Evan’s strong jaw, his fingers over that beautiful mouth. Trailed his hand down the front of his tight black shirt. Rubbed his flat stomach, the waistband of his sweats. Evan was watching him silently, those silver-blue eyes burning into Matt’s face.

He knew what he wanted to do and it frightened him. Frightened him because he’d never had these thoughts before, never craved it. Shaking, Matt pulled the cushions off the couch so they’d have more room…straddled Evan’s body, one knee on either side of his thighs. They stared at one another for a long time, then Matt couldn’t wait and he leaned down, bracing his arms on the sofa, pinning Evan’s arms.

“Trust me.” And then Matt kissed him, hard and frantic, biting his lips. He felt Evan moving underneath him, trying to get free, to touch him.

“No.” He moved his mouth down Evan’s throat roughly, hearing his inarticulate groans, wanting more. Matt reached the top of the T-shirt, moaned in frustration.

“I’m going to move my hands,” he whispered hotly in Evan’s ear, “but I don’t want you to move…”

Evan let out a rush of air. “Why am I not surprised you’re giving orders in bed…”

Matt laughed hoarsely. “We’re on the couch you idiot. And believe me, you’re going to enjoy letting me take control right now…”

He was rewarded with a bite on the patch of skin right below his ear. “You call me a tease,” Evan said.

“Shhhh…you talk way too fucking much, Cerelli.” Matt kissed him again, sucking Evan’s tongue into his mouth. He sat up, grabbing the bottom of Evan’s shirt and pulling it off. “Move up.”

Smiling, Evan moved back on his elbows, shifted up on the couch. Matt grabbed the waistband of his pants, pulled them down as far as they could. He crooked an eyebrow at his lover.

“You are a boy scout. Nice of you to come prepared.”

“Your turn.” Evan smirked. But Matt shook his head.

“Nope, sorry. Weren’t you supposed to be shutting up?” His bantering tone warred with the pounding of his heart. He could taste the desire he had for this man on the tip of his tongue. “I told you not to move -- and I meant it.”

Evan nodded, laid back down on the couch, his eyes dark with want.

Matt took a long deep breath. He resumed the kissing, the biting, the claiming of Evan’s mouth, neck…moved lower… across his chest, for the first time letting his tongue touch the hard brown nipples -- Matt’s brain almost exploded at the near-sob Evan choked out.

More…more…more… Matt chanted in his head. He kept moving, sucking skin. He slid down farther, pushing Evan up, pulling his sweats off at the same time.

Their eyes met again. Evan swallowed hard, shook his head. “You don’t have --”

“Shut up. I want you. I want to do this.” Matt’s voice sounded foreign to his own ears.

Evan was still, then he scooted up, until he was resting against the arm of the couch, his eyes never leaving Matt’s face. Matt leaned forward to take his first taste, moving his lips to the side of Evan’s cock, caressing it carefully with his tongue. He pulled back and applied his mouth to the shaft, kissing it, listening to the sounds Evan was making -- the soft hisses of air that told him he’d hit the right spot. Evan sank back into the cushions, his hands pulling at Matt’s shirt “You okay?” Matt whispered.

“Yeah,” came the breathless answer. “Are you?”

“Yeah…”

“You don’t have to…” Evan moaned softly.

“Want to,” Matt whispered, with authority this time, and then bent his head again to Evan’s cock, covering it with slow, wet kisses. Evan gasped, made a halfhearted, inarticulate attempt to beg Matt off, but he didn’t listen. He took his time, making his movements gentle and easy. Frankly he had no idea what he was doing, ’cause getting this done to you didn’t really prepare you for doing it to someone, but ego and love demanded he do this right. Finally, he slipped the tip of Evan’s cock into his mouth and the taste exploded across his tongue. Evan was breathing hard and moaning softly, his head thrown back against the arm of the couch. This was fucking terrifying and amazing and oh God, he could barely keep his brain from splintering listening to Evan sob and moan above him. This may be for Evan, but Matt had never been so turned on in his entire life. Matt moved his mouth, trying not to gag, not wanting to spoil it, taking more, and desperately thinking this isn’t enough…more… Matt closed his eyes and let his mouth make love to Evan, let himself go without thinking about anything but pleasing this man.

The emotion of it all made his body ache, and knowledge that he, Matt Haight, was drawing these sobs of pleasure out of Evan, that he loved Matt as much as Matt loved him…it spurred him on. He dug his fingers into the sharp bones of Evan’s pelvis, held him down on the couch and sucked harder, harder… Evan choked out a gasp of surprise and came abruptly, filling Matt’s mouth with bitter fluid. Matt swallowed -- choking, surprised, and overwhelmed.

He waited until the vibrations strumming through Evan’s body stopped, then let him go. Shifted his weight. He laid his head against Evan’s muscled thigh, shuddering as if he had been the one to come so hard. He felt Evan’s hands softly stroking his hair, digging deeper, touching his scalp with strong fingers. He wondered if this had been a part of him all along and Evan had merely brought it into the open. He wondered if this was just love, not a lifestyle choice, not biology.